AM I TOXIC ? (Check yourself honey) part 1
Written by Nwukabu Siman on April 5, 2021
Are you asking yourself this question? Wondering whether or not you are problematic for the people around you?
Toxic is a word that’s thrown around a lot these days, but it can tough to figure out what it truly means and whether you are actually toxic.
So in this article, we’re going to explore clear signs that you’re the toxic person in people’s lives.
But before we get stuck into those signs, let’s first define what being toxic means.
What does toxic mean?
A toxic person is someone who makes others feel bad with actions or words.
They bring others down more than up, and they leave people exhausted, emotionally drained, and negative.
Obviously, there are different levels of toxicity
Some people are highly toxic, leaving everyone worse off with even brief meetings. Others cause harm over a longer period of time.
So are you a toxic person ? Lets find out.
1. You’re excessively needy
Everyone can use a hand on occasion, but you require attention and help all the time.
You make every molehill a mountain, every bump in the road a boulder, and each crack of life a chasm as wide and long as the Grand Canyon.
Not only do you need constant support, but don’t learn and grow from their experiences. Instead, you see them as great excuses for why you can’t succeed at, much less even try, something.
While your relationships begin pleasantly and it looks like you just want to spend lots of time with your family and friends.
But as time goes on, though, your devouring need for attention isolates your loved ones from others.
You only want them spending time with you, devoting their attention to you and you alone. As a result, your possessiveness makes them feel lonely.
Yet, you feel justified because you need their help, don’t you? Your life is one huge battle, right?
And when they don’t show up? When they dare to mention that they have other things and other people going on in their lives? You make them feel guilty for even having mentioned it.
The amount of effort they must devote to you exhausts and drains them physically and emotionally.
Also, it’s just a one-way street: all take and no give. The worst thing is that all their efforts are never sufficient.
You are never satisfied with all the attention they are paying you. In the end, if they don’t do enough, you will move on to someone else whom you feel will be a better source of what you need.
2.You only care about yourself
You don’t care about the feelings and opinions of others. Their joys are not important. They are only a reminder of your own (obviously better) achievements.
Same for the negatives. Whenever someone tries to share their unhappiness, hurt, or anger, you shut them down by “one-upping” them with a story of your own (obviously worse) tragedy.
And speaking of negatives… You turn those situations around.
Instead of taking ownership for your share of a negative event, you make it 100% their fault. They are the “guilty parties” for bringing up such an upsetting subject or being involved in such a thoughtless act.
Further, no matter how small the decision is, it’s your way or the highway. The end result is that you make people feel uncared for, unvalued, and unloved.
Around you, people feel alone. You are so “into” yourself that there is no interpersonal connection at all.
Others are just around for some use—increasing your self-esteem, paying for your night out, fixing something in your home, etc.
3.You’re incredibly manipulative
Manipulators are basically liars. They pretend to be a friend, but in reality, they are only using others for their own ends. So, there is nothing true about your relationships with others.
In fact, to achieve your ends, you spend lots of time in detective work, finding out what your prey likes and what makes them tick.
This information helps you weave a more personal web for each victim, luring them more effectively.
Such cold consideration and attention to detail shows that you have no positive connection whatsoever with others.
You don’t care at all about their opinions and feelings. They are only there to serve your needs.
As a result of your cunning, people are confused. On the one hand, you “appear” to be their friend.
So, it may take them a long time to realize that they are trapped. Once they do, they are in so deep that it is very difficult for them to get free.
4.You badmouth other people behind their back
For you, nothing is better than a little gossip, especially if it is dirt on someone else.
The truth or falsity of the information doesn’t matter at all. If you’ve heard it, you pass it on.
Their main reason for spreading the word is the pleasure you get from people’s misfortunes.
It makes you feel better by comparison.
Basically, you are an envious person. You measure your accomplishments against those of others. The more that others look bad, the better you look in comparison.
When people spend time with you, they can look forward to a “news report” of negativity: who got fired, whose relationships are on the rocks, who should have listened to your advice but didn’t and it serves them right what happened. The list goes on.
Others cannot confide in you because their secrets become your next “news flash.”
And on the rare occasion that someone does, you’ll most likely hurt them further by telling them how the fault was theirs…and then making sure that others know their bad news.
5.You have a short fuse
Anything and everything causes you to explode into anger. Once your fuse is tripped, you turn off, often ignoring their “antagoniser” for days.
Your lack of control over your emotions means that people cannot have authentic relationships with you. As we know, every relationship has its ups and downs. The problem is, with you, the downs are disasters.
Others never know when you are going to fly off the handle into a rage.
On a good day, you might cope with a big disagreement in a reasonable manner. On a bad day, the slightest thing might set you off.
In addition, you blame your rages on others. It’s always their fault, isn’t it?
As a result, people are scared to argue with you—a form of intimidation that you use to “keep them in line.”
People in your life feel like they are “walking on eggshells” around you. This constant attention to keeping you happy takes a toll on their physical and emotional health.
The worst part is when the other person is your partner. People you meet don’t believe that you are a Short-fuser because outwardly, you appear to be pleasant, calm, and quite likable.
You save your destructive, toxic side for your partner in private.
To be continued……………..